| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|07:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | STRAYLIGHT RUN - EXISTENTIALISM ON PROM NIGHT | ] |
how can this be happening? i thought that my life was getting better, but really it's just the same old thing. i HATE it!! what am i supposed to do? i was watching something on television about depression and my mom was sitting on the couch watching it too. i was relating to some of the people that were depressed, but i feel like i can't tell my mom that, and i know that i should. it is confusing. but right now, music is the main thing that cheers me up somewhat.
STRAYLIGHT RUN - EXISTENTIALISM ON PROM NIGHT
...sing like you think no one's listening...
...you would kill for this
just a little bit...
...sing me something soft
sad and delicate
or loud and out of key
sing me anything
we're glad for what we've got
done with what we've lost
our whole lives laid out right in front of us...
that song is the greatest!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2005|07:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Straylight Run - Extentialism On Prom Night | ] |
it's been a while since i have been here...i know you really don't care about that either. i heard this song that i am fixing to put some lyrics in here, that it came from. it really applies to my life a lot. and know that no one cares about that either.
...Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind... |
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| sing for a reason... |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|02:28 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Hawhthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers | ] |
wow, three days off and still i have nothing to talk about. it has been absolutely boring. but i did watch The Rules Of Attraction yesterday. that is the most disgusting movie that i have ever seen. sex and drugs. but that's mostly what college is now though. but it is still disgusting. but, it's funny too. and now i really have nothing to talk about so i am going to leave. |
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| Wishing I Was Okay... |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|07:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Used - All That I've Got | ] |
Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
All the things I should have said to you
Hey, I can't make it go away
Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you
Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again
Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess
Lost assure that I feel small
Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting Stars - Sugarcult
listen, i am sorry that i hurt you and i wish that i could take it back, but i can't and i have apologized to you and you still aren't talking to me? what is that about? just tell me what is wrong and i will do my best to fix it. i told you why i was upset and angry. not to mention the stress that i am under with a mix of school and family issues. i don't need a friend issue to collaborate with them. so if you don't or aren't going to talk to me anymore, then just tell me or have someone tell me. i just want to know what is wrong. is that too much to ask of you? in some cases, i would say you might think that it is, but in this case, it is necessary that you tell me. |
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| so cut my wrists and black my eyes so i can fall asleep tonight or die because you kill me |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|07:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers | ] |
to you, from me: i know that you don't mean to do the thing that i am upset about, i know that you probably think that i am stupid for acting this way, but i am sorry. oh so sorry. i just feel like the other person in this "problem" is taking you away from me. you are one of my very best friends and i don't want that to change. i know that it seems like i don't want to talk to you guys, but everytime that i do want to say something, she is there and she is talking and i end up not getting to tell you what i want to. there has been so much stuff that i want to tell you about, but i just never get the chance to. i know that "she" doesn't mean to act this way but she does and it bothers me and i think that you might be able to tell that. but i really want this "problem" to go away fast. it's my birthday, i know that i should be happy, but i'm not, so i feel like this is a good day to start off on. i guess that i will talk to you tonight, or at least try to. bye. |
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| i could be mean, i could be angry |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|07:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It | ] |
maybe everything in my life is getting put back in place, family wise. i feel a whole lot better about my grandpa and his condition. but the friend thing i am not so sure of. i am not sure because i didn't come to school friday and now i have to catch up on what i missed. but i think that i can handle it, maybe. i really don't know and i think that i might just be telling myself this so i can feel better. but i don't want to get my hopes up too much in the case that i might abe leading myself to a downhill spiral. that will not be a pleasant thing for anyone who knows me and talks to me regularly. really, it won't. YAY!!! laurel just walked in! the one person that i have missed the most...well i have to go turn in my absent note from friday...later |
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| You're Just Paper... |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|07:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sugarcult - She's The Blade | ] |
not a good week for me... |
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| how come nothing in my life is the way it's supposed to be? |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|07:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Killers - Mr.Brightside | ] |
my life is ripping to pieces. grandpa sick. most friends not there. some factors i can't help, others, people can. if you aren't going to discuss your excitement with me like you used to, why do you tell someone else that you have to tell them something right in front of me. do you know how bad that makes me feel? well you should. i don't need this shit right now. i am depressed enough with my grandpa in the hospital. but to you, that's all you know. you don't know the details, unlike some of my REAL friends. you never even asked if you could do anything, unlike someone else...by the way, thank you to that person...you know who you are. |
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| its times like this we learn to live again... |
[Jan. 12th, 2005|07:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Keane - Someplace Only We Know | ] |
in this time of my life, right now everything is falling apart. not good for me and my fragile age. i have got to learn to be content with the people around me and stop wishing that they were someone else. that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. for the past week, i have been mad at certain people, not letting it show and that is destroying me inside. what am i supposed to do with my life when i am this way? i really think that i need help mentally. i need someone that i can count on to hold my secrets. too bad that i can't tell one of my best friends. it's a problem that i am not sure can be fixed. best friends show love to one another. right now i feel that no one is showing me the love that i deserve. and i feel bad saying this, but i hate certain people [not naming names], you might know who you are. this life is getting hetic and i don't know if i can control my anger anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|07:56 am] |
|
not being able to talk to one of your best friends is hard. no matter how hard i try to reach that one, a response never comes. its devastating. the complications of life i guess. so far the new school year sucks. i am hardly able to contact anyone. well i have to help erica with her alg 2 hw!! |
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| Buenos dias! |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|07:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning | ] |
wow it has been a long time since i have written. i guess that i have been quite busy lately. getting ready to come back to the hell hall. i was enjoying not having to get up and get ready and then sit in a boring classroom for 7 hours. but anyway...my christmas was okay. i got just about everything that i wanted except for maroon 5's cd. that was the one thing that i didn't get that i really really wanted. but, i got a gift card that will be spent buying it. i got a digital camera finally! but i really can't wait until my birthday. 23 days away and counting! and not to mention that SoCo is coming that same day!! woot woot! oh, but yesterday was pretty great. i got to see lovely for the first time in 2 weeks and i actually walked beside of him. and then lauren and her SA ... she didn't even say hey to him, even though they are talking now! shame shame!! well, i have to get going. later.... |
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| afterschool activities |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|04:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the killers - somebody told me | ] |
after 4th, ------- was supposed to come in ms. stevens room, but he didn't and he was supposed to do something for laurel. anne had to leave, so she said to take a picture of it. but since he didn't come, we couldn't and then we left and stopped to talk to ben, kristina's new boyfriend, and asked him if he had seen -------, he said no and they had to go to a scrub meeting and me and kristina thought that he might be there for laurel. i really wanted to see him do it, but i guess that if he actually did it at the meeting, i didn't get to see it because i wasn't there. but anyway i think that my mother is going to be waiting for me when i get off here now, so bye. |
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| EXAMS!!! |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|07:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | simple plan - welcome to my life | ] |
exams are starting and i am going to fail miserably. in bio, i think that it might be easier than mr. harris says, but still, i think that the passing ability of me will not be very high. when i get a test like this, i usually rush through it for some reason, do others have that same problem? i have got to take my time and read the questions and ALL of the answers. i am not going to do like i did in 8th grade and go to a concert the night before and stay up til 1 or 2 and then try to take an exam. not a good idea that i had. that was hell, especially because i had to read articles that are boring and pointless. mainly all the articles that are in reading and english EOGs and EOCs are pointless. why do they have to be like that? why aren't they interesting like the should be? to keep people awake while they are reading, you have got to have something good to read! but back to my exams...algebra 2 is going to SUCK. i have nothing good to say about that class, wait i do...my friends are in there [kristina,anne,laurel,mary beth,etc.], but nothing good to say about what is going to be on the exam. i think that i am going to need a tutor thursday night. maybe i should call darren [my brother-in-law] to help me, he's great in math. well i am going to jet...i guess. |
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| reality sucks |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|07:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  envious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing...sadly | ] |
reality bites. you wish that things would happen, but they don't and it hurts. at least sometimes. i know that i don't have a chance in hell with my SA but i can still dream right? some people don't see it that way. they think that if you aren't going to ever be with that person, quit crushing on them. too bad. i am always going to think like that and if you don't like it then it sucks for you. it seems to me that if you want something to happen, it never does. so i have given up on ever wanting something to happen. if it happens, it just happens. how many others think like that? i hope many more. anyway... |
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| BEST NIGHT EVER!! |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fall Out Boy - Saturday | ] |
tonight was the best night ever. i met two hot guys, that i had the guts to talk to. i saw them in circuit city and i was looking for the cd that i was going to get lauren and it was fall out boy, (need to know that for the story), and i was talking to the lady that was trying to help me find it and she asked me to repeat the cd and i told her and the guy was like you like fall out boy and i was like yeah and he told me that they were his fav band and then he screamed to this other guy that he was with 'Chandler we've got a fall out boy fan over here' and i turn and see this guy that i had seen in the store earlier do a little ballet move with a hop. and then me and my mom went to target to see if they had the cd and they didn't so we went to media play and then i had to go to the bathroom and when i came back i saw that chandler kid and he yelled 'josh it's that girl from earlier' and the guy that i had first talked to came running. and i asked the josh kid where he got the cd and the chandler kid said that he got it for him for his birthday. but he told me best buy and FYE were the places that he had seen it. and before i walked away, josh goes i got it for my birthday and does a girly move thing. (so cute!) |
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| and still... |
[Dec. 9th, 2004|03:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ryan Cabrera - On The Way Down (thanks to Laurel:) | ] |
and still...you aren't saying anything. at least ------ made an attempt to talk to me and we had some conversation. but you, you have made none at all. you have sat beside me, jammed a desk into my back, talked to ----- who sits beside me, and still nothing. and today, leaving class, you said something about someone i know. i made an effort to talk to you and you are still just walking away and still not saying anything. well, have a nice day to you too. |
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| What Am I To Think? |
[Dec. 9th, 2004|07:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | still...Ryan Cabrera - True | ] |
who exactly am i supposed to trust in school. am i supposed to trust the guy that i ssometimes an ass or am i supposed to trust you, my friend? i would like to choose you, my friend, but right now, i have no idea what your intentions are. never speaking to me in class hardly makes me think things that i should not have to think about you. i wish that i could just take it all back, and just for it to be like last year. it was great last year, no worries. but now, it is a life/day full of worries. its not just that you don't bother to say anything, its that i don't know what stuff i can tell you that is on my mind. i hope that we are going to get through this, cause i would hate to lose a friend like you. really. so i guess that we are going to have to have a pow wow or something. anyway... |
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| How About That Life? |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|07:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ryan Cabrera - True (so good) | ] |
right now i have no idea how my life is going to turn out. it seems like from the moment that high school started, i lost control of it. i had everything planned out in 8th grade and now i have no idea. as a sophomore, i shouldn't be thinking about what colleges i want to go to. that is next year's worry. but in my so-called "plan" i am going to go to ASU (the "party" school, as everyone says). i think that i want to study in the medical field, as long as i don't have to deliver babies and that kind of stuff. i want to be a psychologist or a medical examiner (gross, but i like it). how am i supposed to deal with the stress of being in high school and trying to get good grades and figure out what i am to do with my life? |
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| conflicts... |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|04:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Switchfoot-On Fire and Ryan Cabrera-True | ] |
as of right now, all of my conflicts have been resolved. all except one. me and someone else feel like the same way about the issue. we actuallly talked about it today. we think that -------- doesn't want me and her to talk to ------. it seems to be that way. i think that i am going to talk to ------ about it tomorrow to she what she thinks. we have to get this resolved before i go crazy. i think that it will go away soon. at least i hope so. |
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| Life As I Know It... |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|03:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bright Eyes - Waste Of Paint | ] |
right now, my life is a living hell. one of my close/best friends is acting like i am invisible, but only that way when a certain someone is around. i feel like i am only here when it's only us or when we are hanging out with a few other people, except for this certain person. i can't say too much or it will be too obvious. but, i had to tell someone or i would burst. ask around...you will figure out who knows. i am sorry that you think that i am mad at you for a reason, but you SHOULD know why. i think that i have told you before and you said that you would try not to do it anymore. and yet again, you are doing it. i mentioned somewhat about it to you today. you block me off and i am just standing there like i am just a third wheel. i feel like that a lot when i am around you. i don't think that is the way that i am supposed to feel. if you are reading this, you know who you are. and you should know who the second wheel to your one, making me the third. well, i guess that i will SEE you at school. |
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